Aware - but of what?

Breast cancer has affected my life. I am a major proponent of breast cancer prevention and desire that researchers find a treatment soon. My great-grandmother passed away due to breast cancer and my own grandma has had it a few times. That being said, I believe awareness can be better raised when people post names of those they love who've been effected by cancer, color their posts pink or better yet, support a local Susan G. Komen chapter. To post statements that can lead people's imaginations to intimate situations or items only raises awareness of the sexual depravity of our society. I understand that it might be all in “good fun”, but consider the young people who are on your friend’s list. Also consider, would you want your loved one thinking of anyone else in a sexual manner? I am not a prude, nor am I standing in judgment of anyone. If you know me, you know that my desire is for purity for those who are unmarried & integrity for those who are. Our posts are glimpses into our lives and it’s my desire to stand for something without compromising my character or integrity.

True Beauty

I can hear the names now. The laughter still tries to intimidate. Twenty years later and the taunts still try to effect who I am. I say “try” because I’m done with it and I want to help others walk in the freedom I have found.

Something always seemed to be “not good enough”. Whether it was my hair, my dress or hygiene, something wasn’t another person’s idea of perfection, and therefore, was deemed strange, weird and gross by those around me. Ever feel like that? I lived my teen years growing in foundation in my spirit of who I was in Christ, but let others determine my worth based on my appearance.

Of course, we grow and change. We learn how to better care for ourselves. I’m thankful for the women God put in my life to help teach me things to better myself – AKA “This is conditioner – use it!" :) Caring for your body is one thing but basing who you are on other’s demeaning words shouldn’t change who you are.

As women, God has placed beauty inside of us AND outside! There will never be a product that will make you beautiful. No specific brand of clothing or spritz of a fragrance can make you attractive. Here’s what the Bible says about it:

Braiding your hair doesn't make you beautiful.
Wearing gold jewelry or fine clothes doesn't make you beautiful.
Instead, your beauty comes from inside you.
It is the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.
Beauty like that doesn't fade away. God places great value on it.
1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIRV)

The point is I WAS beautiful because of who God is IN me all along. I let others say who I was and let their judgment become my reality. I encourage the ladies who read this blog to look at themselves. Wearing a low-cut shirt won’t make you attractive. More makeup won’t cause you to become prettier. Straight hair isn’t better than curly or vice versa. It’s your spirit that makes you beautiful. A true lady is knows who she is, accepts it, embraces her uniqueness and learns to love herself, just the way she is.

In a world that sees with our eyes, I pray for eyes that see the heart….

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Within Reach

Do you sometimes feel like you live in the land of “almost”? As if things are “almost about to change” or “almost getting better”. In our daily lives, the tyranny of the urgent gains preeminence above those things that you’ve promised yourself would change. They become faded dreams and you look in the mirror and see a dim version of what you hope you would have become by now.

Many people in the Bible knew “almost”. Jacob knew it. From the moment of his birth, he was grasping out, literally, to get something. Jacob so desired God to bless him. He spent years under the greedy eye of his uncle, who tricked him into marrying his daughter Leah instead of his beloved Rachel. How many of us would wait for a promise for 14 years, when sometimes it’s hard to even wait a week?

For Jacob, it seemed as if his blessing was always just within reach, but not quite there. Despite the fact that he was wealthy, had 12 boys and a girl and TWO wives, he was not satisfied. There was something lacking in his life but no amount of his own effort could bring the change he so desired. He came to a place where he actually wrestled with God and said “I won’t let go until You bless me!” (Genesis 32:22–29). It was there that he finally gave in and said who he really was - a deceiver, a swindler. It came out of his own mouth why he was always striving, always desiring more. But God knew his heart and loved him more than he knew and said “No, your name is changed. It is now ‘Israel’ – meaning ‘Prince with God’ because you have desired Me & I’m going to change you to make you more like Me.”

When you live in this place of “almost”, there are two major feelings that come: depression or anger. Depression that you’re not able to achieve the desired result and anger that things aren’t changing fast enough. People can give you metaphors of seeds and how it takes time for them to grow, but when you’re in the thick of life, you don’t want to wait. But you must! You must because in the waiting is where you grow! In the waiting is where character is formed – like it or not. Otherwise when you get to the desired result, you will lack depth to actually BE the person you wanted to be.

There’s your part and there’s God’s part. For example, if you say “I want to lose weight”, but do nothing but lie around all day, you won’t. Say to God, “Help me to lose weight. Help me to have a desire for You more than I do for food. Help me to enjoy exercise. Help my body to reject ________ (insert the food you’re addicted to here)”. Then your part is to get up, eat right and move!

The second piece besides doing your part, is to learn to rest in the waiting. How many of us are missing life because we are thinking about tomorrow? Maybe it’s not even worry about tomorrow, but looking forward to something. Life is just passing us by – our kids are growing up, our friendships are changing – but we’re not connected because we think “If I only could have that, then everything would be perfect”. Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, "Have no anxiety about anything, but in all things by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, continue to let God know what you want and the peace that passes understanding shall keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus".

God calls us to do this:
1. Have no anxiety or care
2. Tell God your need
3. Be thankful.

There is a striving to be better, which is always good. But when it becomes straining to achieve, that’s where we miss the mark. In all things, Jesus says to us “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27). When you live in this place of peace, despite circumstances and storms, contentment will come and His Presence is always within reach.

Riddles

My level of experience should never dictate my level of faith. What I have seen happen around, to and within me may effect my emotions but not sway my belief in a God that can do and HAS done the impossible in my life.

Do I have unmet desires? Of course. Is there pain in my life I'd rather do with out? Well, I'm human, aren't I? There are many things I don't understand and never will. I love this verse which explains it well: "For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God]." I Corinthians 13:12. Take that in a second - reread it. Sometimes I know when Scripture is written, we often skip over it. Read it again!

What I see around me now is like a riddle. I can't figure it all out. I don't have all the pieces. What I know of God and myself is so small compared to how He knows me and knows my future.

Again in this verse, we see it: "No one's ever seen or heard anything like this,
Never so much as imagined anything quite like it—
What God has arranged for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9 Msg

But here it gives us a clue to this "riddle", to find out what our purpose is :

"But you've seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you." - It's the Holy Spirit who shows us and leads us to God's perfect path for our lives.

Isn't it crazy how "religion" has wanted to block out the Holy Spirit from our lives?! But God says explicitly that it's ONLY by His Holy Spirit that those things that He has arranged for us will come to the light by letting the Holy Spirit in and Him showing us what needs to change and which direction to take. The Holy Spirit is that still small voice within you. He comes to comfort, convict (not condemn) and change. He comes to you by invitation - He's never pushy. It's like God is saying to you "How much do you want of Me?" and if you want more, you ask for His Holy Spirit to come into your life. Jesus comes into your heart at salvation because of His sacrifice on the cross and how He redeemed your life from destruction and bought you back from the devil with loving kindness (Romans 3:23 & Jeremiah 31:3) But there's so much more!

So many people today say religion is dead cause it's boring and there's nothing happening - and it's true! People are done with religion! I'm done with religion! We desire a relationship that has POWER! Power to change, power to heal, power to bring peace in the midst of chaos. We desire to see God move in ways we hear about in other countries but don't see here. And why? Because of unbelief, because of sin, because of not letting the Holy Spirit in as a part of their lives.


Today I choose not to be ruled by emotions, circumstances, and "facts" but by the TRUTH of God's Word and to walk according to His Spirit's direction and not by my own floundering ways. I'm done with lip-service and singing songs from books & off screens that aren't' what I live and know to be true. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is faithful. What He promised, He will bring to pass. Rest assured, you are not forgotten. You are loved. Keep pressing forward!

Change is A Comin'!

I really sense that God is rapidly about to or is changing the seasons in many people's lives. It's literally the next few days or months. Things we've faced for years, decades - are being drastically altered - & quickly.

You have fasted, you have prayed - you have laid it down. And now God is saying I'm taking it and going to show you MY best. His timing arranged this event to happen in this season of your life because He knew you could handle it now.

What have you been asking God for? Are you ready for what you've been asking for? How are you preparing yourself TODAY for that relationship, that job, that ministry? Has the hope in you died even to see it come to pass? As the song says, hold on, change is a comin'!


For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

Self Sabotage

"I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." (Romans 7:15,NLT) Isn't this so true? Especially when it comes to caring for ourselves. So many excuses get in the way of why I put my health on the back burner, but ultimately the answer is clear: Self Sabotage. When I begin to dig deep on why I've gained weight over the years, I'm coming down to this "layer" of apathy. It's extremely resilient too. I can pick myself up and try to get going again, but it's deep set in my thought life. It's one of those issues where only God can root it out of me.

It makes me think of the character, Eustace, from the Narnia series. In his selfishness, he abandons his friends and finds a dragon's lair, where gold and jewels abound and greed consumes him. After a short nap, he awakens to find HIMSELF turned into a dragon. By the time he encounters Aslan (a Christ-like character), he has done everything he can do to change himself. Every time he tries to peel off a layer, another "skin" emerges - another layer of the dragon, the beast that he has become. Aslan tells him that He will have to take it off for him. The first tear Eustace describes as going almost to his very heart - it was painful and relieving all at once. Once Aslan was done, Eustace became his true self - better than the original and very much changed.

We have layers in us; deep-seated ways of thinking and patterns have told us who we are and what our future will be. Left untamed, these thoughts can cause our lives to implode.

Self-sabotage manifests in a very sly way. "You deserve it", "We're spending time together so it won't hurt", "I can work it off later", "One won't hurt". These questions weren't even in the picture in the beginning of my journey, but now have slyly crept in.

The first thing I need to do is surrender to God and continually. His plans for me are for good and not for evil. (Jeremiah 29:11). He has my very best in mind. Though it may hurt when He begins His work within, it will be for my eventual good. He might call me to a higher standard of thinking or require more of me in my actions to better myself. If I am willing and obedient, I will eat of the good of the land and be blessed (Isaiah 1:19).

The second is to do what I know to do in the natural. To watch what I eat - not just talk about what is good to eat, but to actually eat correctly for my body type. I know personally that sour cream and cheese is a bad combination and pizza isn't my friend anymore. So I have to STOP EATING THEM! Even with friends, even when somebody makes us a meal, because I have to love myself and stop sabotaging the process of health in my life. I have to get up off the couch and MOVE! I have to move for at least 45 minutes every day - if not more. I know that personally my body will gain weight if I don't.

I must do what I know to do and let God do the rest. Though it may be a continual process, I am not in it alone. Though the world, my flesh and the enemy all want their own way in my life, I REFUSE to give up. My very life depends on it. The person who emerges from beneath these layers will be one that has been refined as silver and becomes the woman she was created and purposed to be.

Satisfaction

Webster's defines satisfaction as "Fulfillment of a need or want". With so many demands our time and resources, often we are left with a gut-wrenching feeling of dissatisfaction with life. A feeling of "there must be more" but not knowing exactly where to go for this "more" type of living, many are left floundering. Sure, there's the obvious vices - alcohol, drugs, sex, etc. But what about the subtle things - those things that leave us "happy" for a few minutes, maybe even more, but we are still left with an gnawing emptiness in our spirits. We can satisfy a portion for a time, but we are always left wanting more.

We are hungry. We desire something greater than what's in front of us. We long to be satisfied. Not with something temporary but a lasting, refreshing sense of purpose and direction.

We are, after all, vessels - containers, if you will. We all need something in us. The Bible says we are "jars of clay". We are capable of holding the most valuable treasures or we can fill ourselves with filth - and whatever is in us will eventually spill out onto others.

In my life, I have noticed something amazing: the source of satisfaction. You see, I can find myself at a party, dancing & laughing. I can be working on a project and see it to its completion. Or I could be wrapped in the arms of those I love and be totally happy but there's still more. While these things are all "good", there is MORE! It's when I find myself in the presence of God that my heart is filled. There is a God-shaped hole inside of me that screams for a need to be filled. Work, friends, lovers - they won't fill it. Even though they may give us rest for a time in our souls, we are still discontent until we reach for God and say "I need You!" It's then that we become so full that we spill out HIS goodness, HIS love for mankind into our world and people see Him in us.

He invites you today to romance with Him - He invites you to take a chance and invite Him in. If you desire a satisfaction that no thing or person can give you, He stands ready to fill you today.

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.

See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.

Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."

Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands. (Isaiah 55)

Slow Leaks

Tire problems - I hate them. With a passion! It seems like they always happen when I'm by myself. One of these days, I'm going to have to learn how to change a tire & not feel so helpless. :)

My most recent tire issue came last night - a slow leak. I didn't even notice it yesterday when I came home from work, but by the end of the evening, it was clear I needed to fill it. But since I don't carry change, I couldn't. So when my husband got out of work, he took care of it. This morning, one look out the window showed me that we were not out of the woods yet. It was a slow leak.

"I have things to do today!", I inwardly scream. Grrr! Oh well, a call to a friend for a ride to work & wake up the hubby to take care of it and all will be well again.

Often, slow leaks occur for unknown reasons - a rock, a piece of glass, or a damaged rim. Whether an inward or an outward source, something got to it, and now it is leaking precious air.

Maybe in me, that "air" represents my passion for life, family, ministry - those things seemingly most precious to me that I've let my zeal for wane. Outward sources have vied for my attention and won, leaving my "drive" for what is most important nil.

How many times does my life have a "slow leak" in areas of integrity and character? Can I pinpoint a specific time where it all started to dissolve and I stopped letting Christ be the center of that issue, or did it just fade? Sure, I can patch it - do an easy-fix, but in the end, I know I must get a new tire - a new way of moving forward. There's no way around it.

"Have the roots [of your being] firmly and deeply planted [in Him, fixed and founded in Him], being CONTINUALLY built up in Him, becoming increasingly more confirmed and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and abounding and overflowing in it with thanksgiving." (Colossians 2:7) How do we CONTINUALLY be built up in Him? We, moment-by-moment, need to have a relationship with God that doesn't waver when life hits, friend's hurt, or pain grips our lives. Do we question? Sure - even Jesus did before the cross - but He chose God's way and will for a greater purpose - for you and me to live!

It's my desire that I walk in a place - not a "perfect" place - but a place none-the-less, where the Holy Spirit can show me where I am slowly leaking character or zeal in my life. That place happens when I am completely surrendered to Him. When I do this, my future will definitely be one sweet ride!